Erling Haaland doesn’t just beat defenders, he collects them the way some men collect watches or vintage records, and since he strolled off the plane from Dortmund in the summer of 2022, the Norwegian has systematically dismantled every single team he’s faced in the Premier League, a list that now stretches to a staggering 25 clubs.
Think about that for a second: twenty-five different sets of shirts, twenty-five different goalkeepers, twenty-five different defensive setups drawn up specifically to stop him, and yet every single one has conceded to Haaland at least once, not “most,” not “nearly all,” but every one, without a single exception standing in the record books.
He announced himself early, when West Ham felt it first back in August 2022, as Haaland marked his Premier League debut with a brace that told the entire league exactly what it was about to endure for years to come, and from there he simply refused to stop scoring against whoever City put in front of him.
Manchester United absorbed six of his goals across four bruising meetings, while Fulham and Crystal Palace each shipped five, and Wolves, Nottingham Forest, and West Ham all conceded four times apiece across three or four visits, proving that no rivalry and no reputation could shield a team from his boot.
Everton couldn’t shut him out either, and neither could Tottenham, Arsenal, or Brighton, each of them discovering in turn that containing Haaland for ninety minutes was an entirely different challenge from containing him across an entire season.
Even the bigger, more disciplined clubs failed to escape him in the end, because although Chelsea held out longest during that blistering debut campaign, Haaland eventually broke them down with a composed brace either side of an international break, and Liverpool and Brentford, who joined that short list of early resisters, both eventually fell too, Liverpool succumbing at Anfield and Brentford finally cracking in a tense 1-0 City win that Haaland settled with his own boot.
Then came the promoted sides, and rather than treating them as easy pickings to be dispatched without ceremony, Haaland approached each newcomer like an old rival with a score to settle, so that Burnley and Sheffield United got properly acquainted with him within weeks of arriving in 2023-24, while Luton Town waited until April to feel it but felt it all the same, courtesy of a coolly taken penalty, and Ipswich Town lasted all of one fixture before Haaland put a hat-trick past them on their return to the top flight in 2024-25.
This season has brought fresh blood into the league, and Haaland hasn’t missed a beat in dealing with any of it, because Leeds United, back in the Premier League after their Championship title triumph, discovered that a promotion party buys you no immunity whatsoever once Haaland found the net against them just as he has against every other side wearing an unfamiliar badge, and Sunderland, newly promoted alongside Leeds, now sits on that very same list, another name ticked off almost as soon as the fixture arrived on the calendar.
What makes this run truly remarkable isn’t simply the breadth of it, but the relentless consistency underneath it, since Haaland isn’t scrappily poaching one goal here and there against weaker sides while going quietly missing whenever the big guns show up, but rather terrorizing everyone with equal ruthlessness, hitting Manchester United and Fulham for five-plus apiece while punishing Everton, Southampton, and Brighton multiple times over, and finding ways past disciplined, well-drilled defenses just as easily as he tears through chaotic, newly-promoted ones.
Only one other player in Premier League history has managed anything close to this feat, and that is Harry Kane, who scored against all 32 clubs he faced across a much longer Tottenham career, yet Haaland is chasing that number at a pace nobody has ever matched, needing barely half the time Kane took to assemble a comparable collection, which means that given City’s fixture list and Haaland’s insatiable appetite for goals, it feels less like a question of if and more a question of when he adds club number 26 to a list that already reads like a roll call of the fallen.
